We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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