I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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