Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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