Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
