somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
