Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
