Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
