we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
