thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
