apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
