So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
