had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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