forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize