You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
