my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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