I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I sprained my soul last night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
