There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
