You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
