Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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