oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
