peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
