Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
