Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
