i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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