so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Actions speak louder than pants.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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