I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
