worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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