man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
