i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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