Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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