never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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