I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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