watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize