i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
