Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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