Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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