There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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