proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
NoShamevember. You game?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize