So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
