We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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