remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
