thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
