why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
