My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He passed out mid-signature
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
