someone owes me an orgasm
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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