"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's like iHOP with fire
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
