We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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