He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I want to be your penis for a week.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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