I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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