he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
