so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
