Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
