Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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