this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
