I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
