Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
