True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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