I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
