This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
