she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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