how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize