I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
