I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
