You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
