Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
